I Hate You For Leaving Me
by Doomed to be Uke
Summary: Based on episode 145. Ryou lost Edo and could only show his emotions now that he's alone. Sometimes it takes losing someone to discover your true feelings. Contains spoilers for the third season! Ryou x Edo, please read and review!


Title: "I Hate You For Leaving"

Author: Vanilla

Rating: PG

Pairing: Ryou x Edo (Zane x Aster)

Anime: Yugioh GX

Genre: Angst, romance

A/N: I just watched episode 145 today, and oh man…I'm a huge sap so I cried when Edo was killed. Now I can't help it, I have this ficlet in my head, the plot bunnies are threatening me with forks, and I just have to write this. FYI, this whole fanfic is based off of the events of episode 145 so you may not understand unless you watch the episode.

Warnings: This story contains SHOUNEN-AI (boy x boy love)!!! Do NOT read if you don't like it!!! Also, this story contains SPOILERS for season three. If you don't want to know what happens…yeah, obviously you shouldn't read this. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh GX, I never will, yadda yadda.

---

Ryou was left alone. He scowled as he punched the side of a stone pillar as hard as he could. Slight pain was felt in his fist, but he didn't notice nor care. Why should he? Ever since he was "reborn" he didn't care about pain that was inflicted upon himself, but now he could care less even if he was struck by lightning at the moment. What did it matter? What did he have to live for? He lost _everything._ Edo…HIS Edo... _That bastard…Amon...he took him away from me… _But what use was it arguing with himself and cursing Amon out? It didn't make a difference. It didn't change the situation he was in. And most of all…

What he was doing wasn't going to bring Edo back.

Ryou was only able to watch when it happened. Edo, standing in front of everyone, his arms outstretched to the sides in order to protect them. He accepted his death. He accepted it, faced it, fought until the end, and he never once shown any fear. His last request was for Ryou to take Juudai away from the area so the already broken boy wouldn't have to watch. He asked Ryou to protect Juudai, and Ryou was only able to share one last glance with the boy before it was all over. Ryou didn't even hesitate when Edo told him what to do, he forcefully pulled Juudai away despite how much the smaller boy struggled and begged to be left alone to see Edo and try to stop the teen. Ryou didn't even look back.

But oh _god_, how he wanted to. Right now he wanted more than ANYTHING to see Edo again. He'd give anything…in fact, he'd even give his own life at this point if it meant that Edo would be okay.

He wasn't going to show any emotions. He acted cold to _everyone_ INCLUDING Edo when he was around. He wasn't about to break down when he saw what was happening to Edo. But the truth was, Ryou_ did_ feel something for that silver-haired boy. Edo was…different. He was different than the others. Not only different, but Edo was _special_. Ryou was able to open up to him, he felt _happy_ around him. And most of all Edo was one of the two people that Ryou felt himself fully caring about at this point. No, he wasn't going to start crying in front of everyone and start screaming and caring on and on about how he wanted revenge. But right now he was alone…right now no one could see him and Ryou was able to express how he truly felt. He WAS breaking down. He DID want revenge.

_Edo…you little bitch. I hope you're HAPPY with what you're doing to me right now. The big, bad, Hell Kaiser who never cares about anyone or anything and only worries about himself…here I am breaking down and wishing that you were here with me right now. You turned me into a pathetic loser…that's why you did this, isn't it? This is what you wanted._

Ryou knew that wasn't true. He knew that he was being immature and maybe even stupid for blaming this on Edo and forcing himself to get angry at the younger boy to hide how depressed and broken up he was feeling. But Ryou didn't know how to express how he was feeling right now. When Ryou was "reborn", his thoughts had changed dramatically. He decided that you could only worry about yourself, but slowly…slowly but surely, Edo was changing him. Edo was making Ryou _soft_ and now that he was gone. Ryou wished that he could get that back. He wanted to see that little brat next to him, making his comments about destiny and everything else. Ryou LIKED it. He acted as if he was just "putting up" with Edo, and as if he was just near him to do what he had to do, but he knew that wasn't true. He WANTED to be with Edo. If Edo walked away…Ryou would follow. And it would always give Ryou this strange, but warm feeling, to hear Edo call his name and to see him looking up at him with those big a beautiful crystal blye eyes. This fact alone made him feel sick.

_I hate you._ Ryou bit his lip, hard, and glared down at the floor fiercely. _I hate you more than I ever hated anyone, Phoenix! I'm not upset that you're gone…no, I'm upset because I wasn't the one that killed you!!_ It served Edo right that this happened, didn't it? He had gotten himself so attached to Echo for no damn reason. He tried to play hero again. He put himself in a situation that he shouldn't have and his death could pretty much be considered suicide the way it happened. No one could truly be blamed for the death except for Edo Phoenix, himself! But knowing this…why couldn't Ryou just accept Edo's death and move on? Why couldn't he just decide that it was Edo's own fault and forget about it? Continue fighting on as if he didn't know Edo at all?

It was because Edo wasn't someone that he could forget. He could never forget him…never…Edo was…

Without even finishing his thoughts, Ryou sighed. He glanced up towards where Shou was standing, Juudai just a little bit away from him. Juudai was sitting on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest staring out at nothing with that same lost expression that he had for weeks. And Shou was just as bad, watching Juudai quietly with Ojama Yellow at his side, neither the spirit, nor the boy saying anything at all. _I'm going to watch over Juudai. He's in a bad situation right now…he hasn't been thinking straight since he lost Johan, let alone everyone else. I have to make sure that he doesn't push himself too much and that he doesn't do anything drastic or stupid…or both. That's what Edo was doing. I have to finish what he started. I won't let his death be in vain._

Ryou was just beginning to accept that Edo was gone, when something ELSE that was new to Ryou happened. He felt his heart stinging, not with any actual physical pain, but with pure emotional feelings. It felt like someone was slamming a hammer against it. And his stomach…it was all in knots. He felt like he was falling and sinking at the same time. And next thing he knew his eyes started to blur as well. A tear rolled down the normally emotionless teen's face. Quickly, Ryou caught it however, rubbing at his eyes and standing in the shadows of the pillars and stones while staring down at the floor, hiding his expression with his hair.

"I love you…" He whispered, almost mouthing the words feeling almost in shock as he spoke them. Growling bitterly, he slammed his fist against the pillar once again, letting his arm fall to his side as he leaned against the pillar, his forehead pressed against it for support. _I fucking LOVE you, okay!? You turned me soft, you gave me a reason to smile, you made me want to work together with everyone, you allowed me to care…I'm in love with you!! I'm not supposed to be, I don't know why I am, but you mean more to me than anything!! You're my everything…I want to have you by my side all the time annoying the hell out of me with those formal clothes you always insist on wearing and your stubborn ways. Things always have to be YOUR way. I could easily argue with you about everything. You're better than me…in everything. You even beat me in a duel when I thought that I was invincible. You're a bitch…you're just a kid… But here I am, head over heals over you. I didn't even show any mercy to my BROTHER before, and yet I'm crazy for you, breaking down now that you're gone. I act like I don't care, I act like it doesn't matter to me at all, but you KNOW that it does. This matters to me…more than I could ever explain. You made the so called heartless and cold Hell Kaiser fall in love. I hope you're proud of yourself. You have another hidden talent to add to the collection._

With another sigh, Ryou stood up straight and glanced up at the night sky. He was going to get revenge for Edo and he was going to do everything that Edo would have wanted. They would meet again. And when they did…Ryou wouldn't leave his side. He'd stay by him forever secretly protecting him. Maybe, if Edo wasn't able to figure it out on his own, he'd even get the courage to tell the silver-haired duelist how he really felt. He smirked lightly at this. Who knew? They sure flirted a lot…Edo possibly even felt the same way. Sure, he may not be as _obsessed_ as Ryou was becoming, but who was able to know what that boy was really thinking. It was just a matter of finding out.

Ryou looked back over where his brother and Juudai were. He found himself giving Juudai a cold stare as the boy continued acting lost and alone. (Even though Ryou couldn't actually talk judging by the way he felt right now.) If anything was going to get Juudai back to the way he was, to get him determined and energized once again, a duel was. And that was exactly what Ryou was going to do. It was what Edo wanted…he knew that it was. And as Ryou started to walk over to the depressed brunette he couldn't help but to smirk to himself, though still feeling so upset;

Edo Phoenix WAS a special one. Ryou could never even begin to understand it. But though he didn't understand, one thing was certain; he LOVED the boy and he was just beginning to accept it. Now the only thing that was left to do was to fight on and try his best to make everything work out the way it should. He had something to fight for and Ryou was _not_ one to give up. He was going to do this.

It was what Edo wanted. And what Edo wanted, Edo would get.


End file.
